Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Growing Old Didn't Happen...


I suppose we all have romantic, fantasy even, thoughts that we carry around with us from the time we are first aware of our cognitive thinking, processing, remembering... thoughts of what our lives will be like...  Most important just who we will spend our life with...  Little girls dream of their wedding days, little boys dream of hitting homers and winning the heart of that special girl as he rounds third for his victory stomp on home plate...

Most if not all of us are familiar with the movie, The Notebook, that great love story between the kid from the poor side of the tracks; Noah and how he won the live of his life; Allie...  Sadly Allie slips into memory loss as she ages and Noah, undaunted, reads to her every day from his journal, in an effort to reactivate Allie's memory of who they were together...  What their life was together...  There are short moments when he is successful, but as it happens we Alzheimer's, Allie far too soon isn't able for Noah to reclaim her... Yet in a romantic way, in their deepest love, in an "only in the movies" ending, one night they pass away together, holding each other, snuggled in Allie's care facility single/twin hospital bed...

Being happy, living life, growing old together with the love if your life is rowing your bait down that river where life is truly but a dream...  Yet, here I sit, at a family gathering, it's 2:51am, I am wide awake and I am saddened tonight for a couple reasons...  Some very important things in my life are changing, going away, ending...  When these things happen, all it does is call to my mind that I didn't get the Notebook life or ending...  There is no real princess at Disneyland and life is filled and chilled with far to many mysteries and there's too many questions that never seem to end or stop coming at you...  Val's been gone now nearly 1 1/2 years...  I am constantly aware of what that means...  On sum, my life as I knew it, as I wanted, it is now gone...   Anything I come around to now, achieve, or grasp onto is pretty much at "best" is a 2nd place award, but definitely no where near the first place winner, that #1 winner whose jacket remains out back, on a shovel handle awaiting his best judgement on what to do next... Being widowed is fraught with peril, without so many  "little" pieces of understanding that my  younger friends in cannot possibly understand and won't until they thrust themselves into their families life...  So yeah, growing old with Val didn't happen...  




3 comments:

  1. My life as I knew it is also gone. No more dreams , no more big plans. My kids make me happy, my grandkids make me happy and even my dog and companion ( Rocky ) makes me happy. I just take one day at a time and sometimes try to make sense of what happened. The walking hand in hand around the block on Sunday afternoon.....no more !!!! Hugs Mr. Dyer

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  2. I don't want to be published as Unknown...it is Sonia Davis

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